little letters from home
by firout
Summary: haibara ai receives little letters from home, the ones she never expects getting. lower case intended.


[little letters from home]

by firout.

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june 7th

haibara,

i have no idea on why i chose to write this letter to you. maybe it was regret, maybe it was forlorn hope. i don't really know.[scribbled writing]well. a detective like me couldn't even sort out his own thoughts, that's such a shame, isn't it?

i still don't get it, haibara. why'd you decide to run away after we annihilated the black organisation? i thought this is what we wanted, i thought this is whatyouwanted. you were safe now, so why'd you decide to run?

i know i can't deliver these words to you, but oddly enough, these writings soothe me. i'll be looking forward to hearing you.

yours,

kudō shinichi.

* * *

july 11th.

haibara,

genta, ayumi and mitsuhiko all have been wondering where have you been. they would walk at hakase's foyer and yell boisterously, guessing your whereabouts and go as far as consulting with me as a client. they don't know i'm conan, of course. you have given me the antidote before you went away.

hakase doesn't even know where you are. i'm pretty sure you ran away—because all your clothes are neatly folded and shoes thoroughly placed, your wallet isn't even on your shelf. my deduction—as mentioned above.

hakase misses you, you know?

yours,

kudō shinichi.

* * *

july 31st

haibara,

that's it. i'm investigating on you, and if i can't find you til then, i'm asking jodie-sensei's help on this. you can't hide forever, haibara. why do you even leave in the first place? i don't understand. you have all here. family. friends. school. home. safety.

me.

so before you mock my cocky attitude, you have to come back soon.

searching for you,

kudō shinichi.

* * *

august 9th

haibara,

akai-san has told me. he saw you in the states, new york specifically. of course he couldn't be wrong. i'm currently in the plane getting to the states right now, despite the fact that ran has begged me to stay.

to be frank, when i was conan, i yearned to be by her side all the time. it was frustrating that i have to see her missing me, and i want to prove to her that i could stay by her side forevermore. but now the situation's changed, and i am back as shinichi, i find that desire has vanished along with my petite body. this is reality—she can't expect me to be by her side24/7. that would be exhausting. and i would feel suffocated. and here i am, in a plane to states while writing you useless letters.

i'll write when i landed,

kudō shinichi.

* * *

september 17th

[ _shaky handwriting_ ]

haibara,

i can't believe this!

the fbi and i have conducted heavy investigation on you, and i can't—i can't believe vermouth was—[crossed out word]is alive! and worse—i was told you were with her! were you forced? did she threaten to hurt us if you refuse to join her?

[his writing is bold, as if he presses his pen on the lined paper roughly out of fury]

i will save you, haibara. i will fulfil my promise that i made to you. i won't let you down.

wait for me,

kudō shinichi

* * *

october 1st

haibara

i honestly couldn't express more disappointment in my life. _[light handwriting_ ]you told me—when i met you, and your strawberry blonde hair, as same as ever, and your eyes, as lonely as it was, you have chosen vermouth on your own record. i can't believe this.

there must be a reason,

kudō shinichi

* * *

october 31st

haibara,

i can't express more hatred that i already am. you shot camel in his shoulder blade and ran away. again. you hurt people, haibara. and now, you did it consciously. i can't believe it—you were never this way.

i will stop seeing you as a partner.

kudō shinichi.

* * *

november 16th

haibara,

jodie-sensei has agreed with my plan to capture you. i no longer see you as anything, haibara. you have hurt so many—you have harmed so many. i can't let you go away with your doings. i will bring you justice, and when i do, i'm going to put bars before you. you wait for me.

kudō shinichi.

* * *

december 3rd

haibara,

the operation is in two weeks. i know your location. and i am eager to see your face when i have brought you down. akai-san has prepared everything. he even allowed me to participate—well yeah, technically it's my plan. and i'm not going to hesitate, not even once. you are not the haibara i know anymore. you're a part of them.

you know why i write these little letters to you? truthfully, it calms me down. you used to be my partner, my friend, someone who understands me. writing to you feels like talking to you. and even now when you are not my friend nor my partner, i still write to you. old habits never die. but one thing i know for sure.

you are someone who still understands me, though.

kudō shinichi

* * *

december 31st.

 _a young woman sat down by the bedside with another woman lying down on the bed. she had iv infused to her body, and her strawberry blonde hair was down to her shoulders._

 _"you know vermouth was killed, right?" the other woman, who was dressed in a sleeveless maroon top with a black skinny jeans, crossed her legs and anticipated an answer from the blonde before her. the blonde haired girl shrugged her shoulders, her eyes void of emotions. "he even tries hard to save you." she folded her arms and grinned ominously._

 _"does it matter?" the pale faced girl spoke. she didn't even look like she cared. but who knows what was underneath the mask she was wearing. "i betrayed him."_

" _all of our people are killed, vermouth too, and in between the crazy shootings, you were also shot. luckily, he was there to save you." the maroon clothed woman laughed, "why'd you even leave a guy like him?"_

 _the blonde stayed silent. the maroon clothed woman, though, stood up. "he even left these sorts of envelopes by the hospital bed stand. you better read 'em. i didn't look, don't worry." and with a single sway, she left her alone_.

haibara,

it's exhausting to hate you. and now, when i have the chance to drag your legs and lock you up to pay for the crimes you have committed—ironically, i let you go.

i won't decide what's wrong and what's right for you anymore, haibara. i hope you find your place, and i hope you realise it's here with us. for now on, i'll let you go to choose your own decisions, your own life.

but if it were up to me,

come back, haibara. come back to us. come back to me. we could start over. i forgive you. it's not too late. you're smart, you must have a reason behind all this.

and if you decided not to,

were you ever gonna tell me why?

happy new year, haibara.

you're never gonna be alone if you choose home.

with love,

kudō shinichi.

* * *

author's note

i know this sucks and out of character bu d. lol. its been a long time since i come back to ffn please go easy on me ;-;


End file.
